Friday, March 19, 2010

My 12-Hour 'Stroke of Genius' Retirement Plan


How do you turn ‘hot air’ into a ‘hot new idea’? Well … have you ever met someone who was so incredibly wrapped up in themselves that they’d be tempted to tie themselves up in a bow and be their own best birthday present … if they could only just figure out a way to do it? I have, and I’ve created something exclusively for them. It’s a website I designed called http://www.itsallaboutme.com/. I got the idea today on a whim, and at first I almost dismissed it for the pure tomfoolery that it is. But all morning long the idea continued to haunt me, and just for the fun of it, I googled the name. To my surprise, nothing came up. A quick web search revealed that amazingly, the domain name was available, and $19.95 later, I was the proud owner of the “itsallaboutme” website for the upcoming year.

Now unless one has entirely too much time on their hands (which I don’t), this is not an exercise one would normally have time to pursue. And so I must clarify that my website was not an original stroke of genius. Its inspiration was actually precipitated by a real live person … a selfish one at that … who ticked me off so badly with their egotistical, irresponsible and supercilious ways, that I was allowed no other recourse but to counterbalance my frustration with this one small avenue of juvenile pleasure.

Believe it or not, it’s actually not hard to launch a website, (I’ve watched my kids do it a hundred times); and in less time than it takes a conceited person to admire themselves in the mirror, my site was up and running. But who was I kidding? … my ‘fictitious’ website may have had a name… but what would be its purpose? And what sort of content would it contain? To my utter disbelief, before I could even envision the homepage, ten people had signed up to be part of it! Imagine that: Ten wrapped-up-in-themselves, utterly pompous, centers-of-the-universe were members of MY website! And they were so full of themselves that their insufferable egos began spilling over into cyberspace, filling up page after page with annoying, self-centered ramblings! It then began to dawn on me that this project might be easier than I thought; but I really needed to think this thing through. So I went to the kitchen to fix myself a tall glass of iced tea and ruminate over the potential ramifications. By the time I returned, a dozen more had joined, and soon there were nearly 100. In less than an hour’s time, my therapeutically-inspired moment was quickly becoming a Movement. And now, as CEO of the enterprise, it seemed like I might have little more to do than just sit back and enjoy the show. One thing remained to be done, however: Membership fees. We couldn’t let just anyone in … exclusivity breeds desire, you know. Well, bless the genius who thought up PayPal! No sooner than my account was set up, the Money started rolling in. But hey -- this was waaay too easy; where was the challenge? To make it fun there would need to be an application process: “In 1000 words or less, please tell us ALL about yourself. Subscriptions are $50 a year.” Once I uploaded the membership criteria, an amazing thing happened: my website suffered a temporary meltdown. The popularity generated globally by the self-absorbed, portentious populace overloaded the site and crashed the entire internet for several hours. The Pentagon was in a panic. We’re back online again now, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been officially ‘retired’ for at least 12 hours; one of the Nouveau Riche; a wealthy member of the ‘Dot Com’ set. Of arrogant, self-important people with a valid credit card, there is, it would seem, no short supply!

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