Don't Call Me ... I'll Call You!

The Do Not Call Registry was a brilliant idea, but it didn’t go quite far enough. For instance, I found out the hard way that it does not apply to businesses. Here at The Lodge at Jackson Village we get at least 5 telemarketing calls a day, and that's a conservative estimate. Some are real-live people, trying (just like the rest of us) to make a living. I feel sorry for these guys; after all, what more disagreeable job can there be out there? I don’t usually hang up on them; at least not so loudly that it puts my phone’s receiver in physical jeopardy. Other calls turn out to be recorded messages, and they really tick me off. But I’m sorry to say that more than I care to count are from half-way around the world, from people who can barely speak my language. How many yellow page listings can there possibly be out there that need updating, for goodness sake? One day I got a call from a very pushy domestic telemarketer, and English was his native tongue. So was ‘Obnoxious’; he reeked of it. I was really annoyed, because I was right in the middle of something important. These calls come in on my reservation lines, also taking me away from things that are part of the daily operations of a busy inn. This guy raised my hackles within the first half second, so I told him that I was on the Do Not Call list and to remove my number immediately. He then informed me that a law exists which makes businesses exempt from this list. I have my doubts about the validity of that statement, but told him in no uncertain terms that MY law does NOT require me to listen to him. Slam!!

Today is a holiday weekend … well, at least for most people it is. For me it is anything BUT, and already today I have received two of these calls before 10 am, which is why I am on my high and mighty horse about this topic right now. What to do? Well, we have a huge national debt, right? Many states are on the verge of bankruptcy? Every municipality and school district is trying to balance their budgets? Here’s the solution: Tax the Telemarketers!! In addition to their normal phone charges, every call they make should be charged a flat rate of at least $1; and every telemarketing call coming in from oversees should have an added surtax of another dollar. In fact, to help balance our personal budgets, for every telemarketer call we receive, $1 should also be taken off our personal (and business) phone bills! Period. We’ll either be flush by the end of the year, or the annoying, frustrating, obnoxious calls will stop. Either way we win.

Tom Mabe has it all figured out. He’s a guy with a great sense of humor who has it out for the Telemarketers, and frankly, after listening to him, they don’t stand a chance. Tom is a nationally recognized comedian with countless CDs, DVDs, and YouTube shorts, who has been known for getting revenge on the telemarketers. In fact, he is one of the Top Ten downloaded people on the worldwide web! He calls himself “90% Troubleshooter, 10% Troublemaker”, and is now taking aim with this well-focused revenge campaign to cover junk email, bad customer service, high gas prices, and anything else that ticks off Americans. Check him out! (http://www.tommabe.com/) Until real solutions to these annoying problems make life more bearable, at least there is always Tom to get us rolling on the floor in hysterical amusement.