Holy Habanero -- We've Got a Bear of a Problem!

Now it’s not so funny … and I’m getting a bit hot under the collar about it, too (hot as habanero pepper sauce, in fact). Once again, the resident bear got into the garbage, a nightly occurrence not only at our dumpster here at The Lodge, but in everyone else’s in town as well. In fact the Jackson church, normally a loving, non-discriminatory, all-inclusive congregation that welcomes folks of any persuasion, has lately been known for its anti-bear sentiments of late. I guess even Divine patience has its limits.

Today, not only was the garbage strewn all over our pavement as usual, but the iron bars that keep the lids from being lifted by scavenging wildlife and marauding bears were still intact! However, a corner of the very strong plate-metal dumpster lid was bent perpendicular to its normally horizontal orientation. Not an easy feat. These metal lids are so heavy, it takes a heap of energy just to lift them up to throw the garbage in, let alone bend the heavy metal of which they’re made. When Dana called the garbage company to tell them about it, we discovered that not only would they send someone right out to fix it and weld on a new lid, but that they actually have a full-time employee on the payroll to do that very thing. I guess it must be a problem of epidemic proportions. Tonight I’m gonna fix his wagon, though. Don’t get me wrong … I LOVE wildlife, and even have a NYS Wildlife Rehabilitators License. But now we have a public property here in New Hampshire, and we’re darn proud of our appearance. Nightly garbage raids that take 30 minutes a day (or more) to clean up are not on going to be on my busy summer agenda. My proposed solution? Hot Sauce!

A Slight Detour:

Our oldest son Chris loves hot food; the hotter the better. When he eats at the local Thai Restaurant, where food is ordered on a ‘Hot Scale’ of 1-4, he’s always a show-off and orders a “20”. (A propos of nothing, once we ordered takeout food – everyone ordered the same dish -- and I ordered a “2” and he ordered his ‘usual’. The numbers were written in magic marker on all of the lids. I was the last to get mine. Chris got a big glass of water. “Tasy, but hotter than usual” he said. Ahhh, the power of the mind. I ate mine, barely able to swallow it, but heck, I ordered a #2 so it couldn’t be THAT hot, could it? … Turns out, the guy in the Thai kitchen mixed up the lids, and I got the HOTT one!! I couldn’t eat anything for days after!). I tell you this story so that you know that Chris is a notorious Fire Eater. And what does one get a notorious ‘fire eater’ on birthdays, holidays, etc? Hot sauce, of course! Things with names like: ‘Smokin’ Hot XXXtra Reserve Jalepeno’, ‘So Good You’ll Want to Slap Your Mama Hot Sauce’, ‘Mad Cat Hot Sauce (Not for Pussycats)’, ‘Howlin’Hot Cayenne pepper Sauce’, etc. You get the idea. I even had to sign a disclaimer once for one of the super duper HOT bottles I bought him once. Anyway, when using this kind of hot sauce, you use it one drop at a time, even if your name is my son Christopher! Consequently, I have dozens of bottles of the stuff on my shelves taking up lots of room. After we picked up today’s garbage, we decided that it might be a little too bland all by itself tonight and that it needed some spicing up. In fact, it needed a whole bottle of Habanero Hot Sauce. We’ll see tomorrow, if our friend likes spicy food (or not!).