Thursday, June 3, 2010

"There is a First Time For Everything" ... or "Never Say Never"


“Never say ‘Never’”, I always say … but then, I always seem to keep on doing it. My latest episode of this important life/language lesson took place over the weekend, and this time at least, I was partly right in saying it. I made the comment that in all the years I have been living in New Hampshire, I have never been bothered by black flies, and don’t know why people complain about them so much. This statement is very much true, because my first 5 years here were spent almost exclusively at the Lodge, where we do not get bothered by them. I’m not sure why this is, because the Ellis River runs through our backyard, which one would presume to be a breeding ground and favorite haunt for these pesky critters. Fortunately for us, this is not the case. Across the road at the golf course, however, there is a different story. They love it there … but why they don’t bother to cross the road remains one of the great White Mountain mysteries. Just their very name, black FLIES, suggests that not only do they have wings but that they do, in fact, use them on occasion. The answer to why they don’t cross road to the Lodge should spawn the next generation of ‘chicken crossing’ jokes.

Anyway, this past weekend I made the mistake of telling someone that there were hardly any black flies this year. This turned out to be an outright lie … not on my part … but by the person who wrote the article I had read stating this. He should be shot. Obviously, he had submitted the piece to the newspaper the week BEFORE the most major black fly hatching in the history of New Hampshire ... or perhaps in all of New England for that matter. I was still oblivious to this fact however, because even this year they still weren’t bothering us at The Lodge. However … over the weekend I decided to plant my flower boxes and gardens at my little cabin up on the mountain, and I got totally and completely decimated! I managed to stay outside for almost half an hour, working as fast as one can possibly plant herbs and flowers, before I threw in the towel and called it quits. When I surveyed the extent of the damage they had done, I had over 100 bites on my neck and ears alone! I had turned into a bloody, scabby mess, looking like I had a case of leprosy, or at the very least, a highly contagious disease. I react very badly to them, and thought I was going to die of the itching and the pain. What a difference a few days can make, though. The winds shifted, the air was drier and cooler, and I managed to put in the rest of my plants at a leisurely pace without a single black fly bite or buzz. I will never laugh at people who complain about black flies again. Oops .. did I just say “Never”?

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